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Unfortunately, “there are no good physical signs women are faking it,” says Herbenick.

“Not everyone has sex flush or noticeable contractions.” Instead of playing Sherlock in the sack, regularly engage with her about what feels good, Brandon says.

If she’s game, start with the Silver Bullet—it’s about 5 bucks, has a multispeed dial, and is small enough to fit closely between your bodies. But you still need to fill each other in on prior infidelities.

“They think, ‘You love me, so of course you feel that way.’ A compliment that comes from a stranger may feel more validating.” Try turning it into foreplay: Suggest she flirt with someone nonthreatening, like the bartender (he’s used to it), and watch from afar for a voyeuristic thrill, says Brandon. “You need to both feel confident you know why it happened so you feel confident you can prevent it,’’ says Brandon.

Banner adds: “You should worry only if she hasn’t connected the dots—‘This is what I learned, and this is why I did it.’” Even if you’ve both been faithful, talk about temptation every 6 months, says Brandon.


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